ontology | "but how are you supposed to find romance if you don't go to bars?"

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"but how are you supposed to find romance if you don't go to bars?"

At work today I was informed by my co-worker (male, twenty-five) that I need to cut loose more often. Apparently this is because my two-week holiday with my family next month will not involve drinking, partying, and picking up strange men in bars. "Getting drunk isn't my idea of fun at all," I said. "Hangovers are really not my idea of fun." He kind of looked at me and protested, "Don't knock it till you try it!" Uh, thanks, co-worker, but no thank you. (Disclaimer: very much not a teetotaller. If it weren't illegal, what with me being not quite nineteen, I would probably have a glass of -- very fruity and girly -- wine fairly often.) But seriously, I have no desire to lose all of my inhibitions and do things I would be justifiably embarrassed about later, possibly even ashamed of, not to mention putting myself in danger. Also, hangover. No-one enjoys a hangover. Why not just avoid them altogether by being responsible with the drink? Also, strange men in bars? Yuck.

But -- seriously? I am uptight? I need to cut loose? I mean... no one has ever said this to me before. Ever. And when I told my parents they laughed even harder than I had.

In other news, I persuaded a girl to buy a copy of A Countess Below Stairs. Hurrah! Also need to write post for book blog BUT WHAT ABOUT.

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Meh. People who think the only way to "cut loose" is to get drunk clearly have no imagination or originality.

how loose do you need to be?

"there was a street fair down the block from our house .... and I danced, and it was marvellous. I am always so very happy when I am dancing"

ask your co-worker when he last danced in the street.

He kind of looked at me and protested, "Don't knock it till you try it!"

I can never think to say this when people say something like that to me, but...really? Does this go for all experiences? Like, maybe I would actually enjoy having surgery without anesthesia or jamming a fork through my hand; how do I know since I haven't tried it? And also, you know the common wisdom about learning from your mistakes? Learning from other people's mistakes is an even better idea, because then you don't have to make them yourself!

And yes. You are clearly uptight because you do not subscribe to the (actually quite narrow) societal definitions of having fun, which generally seem to involve lots of sex and substances that are not overly good for the body.

Also need to write post for book blog BUT WHAT ABOUT.

...vampire books better than Twilight? The tragic duty of booksellers to destroy remaindered books? The difference between good and bad covers or good and bad blurbs?

Like, maybe I would actually enjoy having surgery without anesthesia or jamming a fork through my hand; how do I know since I haven't tried it?
AHAHAH. Kyra, you are awesome. :D ♥

oes this go for all experiences? Like, maybe I would actually enjoy having surgery without anesthesia or jamming a fork through my hand; how do I know since I haven't tried it?
"You're driving a spork into your leg." "So I am! HILARIOUS."

(Alessandra's brother Brennan re-enacted this with a knife once. It went badly. :D)

Also, I plan to run a series on the blog in regards to Vampire Novels Which Don't Suck. (Verily, the pun is inescapable.) So perhaps I just ought to start. Wondering if I should review the Hamblys together or separately, though. And how much I should warn people about certain bits of Sunshine (...my mother reads that journal). I should also review vampire novels that I haven't liked. :/ In the case of Twilight, that will probably turn into philosophical discussion of how Bella is an idiot with less sense than her cactus (I SHIP BELLA/CACTUS! TEAM CACTUS FOREVER!) and Edward is a psychopath and why are parents thinking this is a totally awesome thing for their nine-year-olds to read?

Maybe I should just do a PRETTY COVERS ZOMG post to get me back off the ground...

I still haven't reviewed Sunshine--okay, any vampire books except Those Who Hunt the Night, actually, if you don't count a Twilight sort-of review that was basically a bunch of links, which OF COURSE THE INTERNET ATE so it never got posted--but it's part of the vampire-book series I'm planning. Once I a) have time and b) stop being lame. But I think regarding Sunshine, I'll probably just give the same general disclaimer I did when I recc'd it elsewhere: it's more adult than her other books and includes a fairly short scene of explicit almost-sex with a vampire, which I figure covers it well enough.

Ditto what papertowns said... it seems so obvious that there are better and more fun things to do than get drunk with creepy people and getting a migrane the next day, but the multitude refuse to see this. Poor sad world...

I get migraines all the time without being drunk! Sheesh.

That said, I still wish they'd lower the drinking age. I'd like to relax with some wine or something once in a while, I'd like to buy beer or creme de menthe to use in cooking (I have a fantastic grasshopper pie recipe that calls for creme de cacao and creme de menthe), and I'd like to GO TO CONCERTS ALREADY WHY ARE THEY ALL IN BARS. :p

I'd like to GO TO CONCERTS ALREADY WHY ARE THEY ALL IN BARS.

Amen! I missed Lisa Hannigan because of my age. This is a travesty.

Get used to the conversation about getting drunk (or rather not doing so), because I promise you will have it many more times with other people, though most of them will be young men in the same age range. *rolls eyes*

Heh, yes, I'm glad I have this now instead of being suddenly overwhelmed with it once I get to college. I no longer have the "I don't actually like alcohol" excuse, but I certainly have the "my parents would be disappointed and YES I WOULD CARE" excuse as well as "I find drunkenness rather off-putting" excuse. Also the "I am an introverted geek and rarely enjoy noisy crowded parties; I'll go to my book club with good friends and conversation instead". :p

Perhaps if there was some kind of Tolkien-esque tavern outside of this era filled with magical uncertainties, you might enjoy some dandelion-wine or some such there...

But I don't believe the men with minds and hearts and sacred imaginations to match yours are to be found in any typical American bar.

They're out there, though. In the places that you're naturally drawn to, wanting not to "cut loose" but to be free.

Well, I do plan to attend a few ceilidhs in Nova Scotia... :D

Getting plastered = not as interesting as I was led to believe. It does make for an entertaining story, because apparently when I am drunk I prove that I am not drunk shouting about T.S. Eliot while failing to walk properly, but I can't say that I did anything while intoxicated that I would not have done stone-cold sober. Except perhaps to fall down more often. My inhibitions remained in place, I didn't feel braver, more attractive, or more clever, I just felt like a very dizzy version of myself.

I'm glad that I now know how I behave when drunk, and I'm glad to know that so far none of my alcoholic experiences led to hangovers, but I frankly don't like alcohol enough to pay for more than one social drink.

But some articles I've read on personality types have led me to believe that getting drunk is a very different experience for other people--a very enjoyable experience, as hard as I find it to believe. My co-workers certainly seem to like it, and any time they're joking about drinking or say something off-color they feel the need to apologize to me--apparently I give the impression of being a very Good Girl (I do try, but still--I was in theatre! I have heard it all, and accidentally walked in on it in the green room). And, eh, some people juggle geese.

Heh, I imagine me being drunk would be rather similar to me being mostly asleep (usually in church) and devoutly pretending not to be, with the hallucinations of Being Completely Sober and trying to talk sensibly about something Important in order to convince everyone around that I am DEFINITELY OKAY THANKS and discovering later that I was babbling complete nonsense. ...Why do I need to get drunk when I do that all the time anyway? ;p

And while many people seem to enjoy themselves while drunk, do they really enjoy it afterwards? It just seems like such a silly reason to potentially embarrass or endanger oneself. I have been to many music festivals. Noticeably intoxicated people are BLOODY IRRITATING. :p

Hangovers are all dependent on how you drink, and what you do aside from drink. If you've eaten and make sure to stay hydrated (drink lots of water), then the chances of you having a hangover are very, very low. I've had one once, and it was waaay mild.

Secondly, tipsy is kinda fun. Light drunk (enough to lose some inhibitions, be silly, feel tipsy, etc.) is fun, at least for me. ;) But, of course, your mileage may vary.

I certainly don't drink enough to get addicted to it, though, lol. For instance, I've got like 4 hard lemonades in my fridge and I could very easily grab one whenever I want. They've been sitting there for 5 days now. ;)

Yeah, and I think getting tipsy or intoxicated is really something best done in one's own environment, if one must -- at home, or with a small group of like-minded friends who aren't going to embarrass you or take advantage of you in some way. Public drunkenness, especially when it's loud and obvious, seems stupid and not very fun to me, especially if you get your wallet stolen, or are sexually assaulted, or some such, because you don't have your wits about you when you're with a lot of strangers whose inhibitions have also been removed. :/ Public drunkenness in places NOT SET UP FOR THAT is really annoying. Hi, drunks, you keep sitting near me at outdoor music festivals. Please go away forever, thanks. And STOP DANCING AND SINGING. :D

Yeah, I agree. It really depends who you're with. Now get online once in awhile, you have a computer now, so no excuse. ;)

Yeah, it's pretty obvious that the guy doesn't know that there is fun outside of drinking, which is kind of sad. But you are simply awesome without drinking and that is even better. :D

I need to start reading books again...

Hello and end random comment! :D

It is indeed rather amusing when people assume that you will only be happy if you accept the imposition of their value system upon your behaviour. That said:

-You are more uptight than you think you are, and
-It would not hurt your sociological development one bit to step outside your comfort zone and attend a few such functions now and again.

Not saying you have to go get yourself drunk (although a drink or two might not hurt) or hit on strange men (although chatting with them certainly wouldn't hurt) -- just saying you might be quite surprised by how stimulating and enjoyable such events can be. In moderation and with proper discretion, of course.

I mentioned that I am definitely not against drinking. :D However, I am not especially interested in going to bars until I am legally able to do so. :D Sure, loads of people do it, but it doesn't seem like a worthwhile thing for me to potentially get into serious trouble for. As for strange men, I talk to strangers all the time, and enjoy it -- except when it's a bus station and I'M TRYING TO SLEEP MY BACK IS TURNED MY EYES ARE CLOSED STOP TALKING TO ME GOSH :p -- but I am not at all interested in flirting or anything that approaches casual romance. Some people find that sort of thing fun; I find it too serious for me to play with. Not going to impose that on other people (unless they won't stop flirting with me...), but that's where I am.

Also, keep in mind, I mentioned several times to said co-worker that this was a vacation WITH MY FAMILY. Even if I was the sort to go drunkenly partying, would I really do it with my parents and little siblings? He didn't even seem to get that. It was kind of weird. :p

Sheeeesh. I really don't get people. How can you define a night as 'good' or 'fun' by the fact that you DON'T REMEMBER IT. I prefer having fun which is actually fun, that I can remember and doesn't leave me with liver damage and serious headaches the following morning.

I've only been to two bars, and I disliked both as environments. That said, I did enjoy both experiences in some ways.

1. On May 5, 2008, a coworker and I left our coffee shop after work and stopped in a few bar/restaurant type places. At the time, I was 20, so we couldn't go in all sorts. But the Mexican place had a certain life and vitality to it that was completely understandable given that it was a Mexican holiday. We walked up and down looking for a good band, but the good bands were playing in 21+ places. We eventually settled in one fairly quiet bar and met some folks who came from some South American country. We chatted about culture in different parts of the world, and a variety of other topics before finally heading out.

2. I went to an Irish place with my cousin in Boston and downed two pints of Guinness while listening to live Irish music. Of course, the lights were dim, the drinks weren't cheap, and everything was far too loud. But it was an interesting experience and it was fun to do things with my cousin that she likes to do for fun.

With that first bar trip, I was on the verge of not going, because I didn't think I'd enjoy aany of it, and it would be uncomfortable and a waste of time. But I decided to stretch a little and see what I might be able to appreciate, in my own way.

Ultimately, I know what I like and anyone who tells me that I'm X because I don't do Y can go suck eggs. However, I have found that trying something new and hating it has been healthier for my general development than abstaining from trying a thing far outside my norms.

Wow, this comment is way too long. Sorry. :P

I don't think I'd mind bars so much, aside from drunken people, with whom I've had enough experience at music festivals to not want to be around them -- mostly cos there'd be good people-watching opportunities because so many different kinds of people come to bars, and it might be an interesting social experiment to see how different people act with their inhibitions compromised. *is cold and calculating, heh heh heh* But I probably wouldn't go to one unless a) I was attending a concert, or b) a group of friends really, really, really wanted to go. Currently I don't have any of those friends. Of course I'd probably bring a book and end up reading it while they all got drunk, and then have to suffer having lame pick-up lines tried on me because of it. :D

(Okay, I'm being a little too pessimistic regarding my imaginary theoretical college friends.)

I think going out of one's comfort zone is important and often useful, but there are some experiences I see no reason to have, and being drunk seems entirely unnecessary to me. Except...

...oh drat.

I just realised that I really ought to get drunk, just once, not because it'd be a valuable learning experience or I ought to try it just once, but because I need to know what it feels like so that when it comes up in a story I can write about it convincingly.

Angels and ministers of grace preserve us. D:

Except...

...oh drat.

I just realised that I really ought to get drunk, just once, not because it'd be a valuable learning experience or I ought to try it just once, but because I need to know what it feels like so that when it comes up in a story I can write about it convincingly.

I wasn't really sure I was going to post at all here because I'm not sure if my opinions would seem too strict or overly religious, but my entire life is deeply, deeply rooted in holiness so I really have no intentions of ever drinking because I don't want to be so intoxicated in my body that I lose connection with my spirit.

With that said, I'd have to go back to what Kyra said earlier, only that this is a different circumstance but I believe the same principle holds true. In my stories, people die. It's quite possible that sometime in my writing a main character will murder someone. That does not mean that I have to go murder someone in order to accurately portray the feelings one experiences while commiting a murder. Nor would I have to steal something because a character does, or climb a mountain with too little supplies. Part of good writing is creating scenes and circumstances vividly, realistically, and believably, especially when you haven't done those things. Feeling like you have to do everything your character does in order to explain it clearly is... sort of cheating. :D

Though I think it's awesome to write about experiences you have taken part in, I wouldn't do anything you don't want to do for the sake of writing. Your spirit is more important. The bible says that are bodies are the temple of the Lord, and obviously trashing them = bad/not win. What you can do while still maintaining a Godly holiness is up to you and your convictions. :)

/honestly unjudgemental sermon

Anybody who thinks real fun only comes from vomiting and exposing oneself to the chance of STD's is an idiot.

ARGH.
Alcohol is a bit of a sore spot for me, as at the end of last year all of my peers became legal and began making a HUGE DEAL over it. Even the ones who didn't get puking-drunk and make fools of themselves at least once made a huge deal, and it's just alcohol, for -- er, anyway, end rant.

I personally don't like the taste of alcohol, but given the right glass of very fruity and girly wine, I would probably enjoy it also. But only in the company of very good friends, and without even approaching drunk!

You are more fun without alcohol than everyone else is drunk or sober, so there. :D

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"but how are you supposed to find romance if you don't go to bars?"

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