Entries tagged with college oh help

Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: "juliet's wishes", ingrid olava (♥ wanderlight!)

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i just want to lie in the sand & have the sun shine down on me

The air is very lovely today, thick with warmth and sunshine -- it had rained from my birthday through Saturday, and while I enjoyed that very much, I did miss the sun. Oddly, this year I can't seem to get enough of the sunlight. I keep thinking of Robin McKinley's Sunshine, and how after her ordeal Sunshine would spend hours lying out of doors, drawing sunlight into herself -- craving it. Perhaps this past winter felt longer than most: nearly every time I step outside I am overcome by a knee-wobbling urge to fall backwards onto the grass and lie there, taking in the sunlight the way cloth takes in water. (It would be awfully nice if I could draw on this stored sunlight during the winter months -- be some kind of wacky sunlight camel with stored light to subsist on when light is scarce! --Hmm, put that one in the story file.)

Sunday after church we went to a barbecue with several of my mother's internet friends. I ate two hamburgers and an obscene amount of fresh home-made peanut butter fudge, but honestly, can you blame me?

Today: doctor appointment, fetched Ritalin and new earbuds (purple) from Wal-Mart; am keeping the receipt in case they die quickly, as earbuds seem wont to do. Also fetched vanilla milkshake on the way home. *shifty eyes* Was complimented on my hair by a young man. Hmm. (I currently have rich purple locks of hair coming from my temples, and a couple of little stripes in the general arena of my former fringe.) Going to see my physician is frequently rather a confidence booster; she frequently seems to be quietly impressed with my independence and coping strategies for depression and ADHD, which makes me feel a bit better and bolder because I frequently think I'm doing rubbishly. (People ought to stop being so confident in me, honestly, especially in regards to telling me that I could totally get into Harvard. Oh help. Don't get my hopes up, people! Harvard would probably pay most of my tuition if I got in, but.... no! I would never get in! Be quiet! ...It would be brilliant, though. OH HELP. The fact that more than two people have told me this is not helpful at all.)

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: "lukey", great big sea

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adventures in testing

It seems that I have sorely underestimated the sheer level of my separation from normal teenage culture.

The SATs were... strange. In a number of ways. One of the strange things was that I kind of enjoyed the experience -- getting up early, though contrary to my nature, tends to energise me? Maybe it's the morning shot of caffeine; although it is nice to get up and have so much day ahead of you. And the sunrise! The pale dawn with clouds blooming like roses over the highway! It's very lovely -- and strange, as I never see it. I get up before the sun for a) Christmas, and b) early-start roadtrips (on which I promptly return to my sleeping). And the SATs, I suppose. Dad was working in Brookville, so he dropped me at the high-school where the testing was being held. I'm always curious about public schools, because of course I've never really been to them -- a few times I've gone to pick someone up for something, I think? when I was little?, and I've been to a church or two held in schools, and the occasional event, and I spent one day shadowing the daughter of people I was staying with for one day of high-school, but otherwise, I know about public schools from books and films, sort of like romance, England, and the 1960s. The testing was in the cafeteria, half of which was very welcoming, because one whole wall was window, but the rest was utterly dreary, made of those ugly white plaster bricks that seem only to exist in public schools and dreary '60s and '70s churches. It was lovely to be able to look outside, though, even if it was only the parking lot and the highway and a few stragglinwg trees -- but sky, too! And natural light, which made up for the flourescent lights.

I had dressed partially for comfort, but mostly for confidence -- pretty clothes (and shoes with heels that go click) tend to make me feel a little more alert, sit up a little straighter, feel a little better about what I'm doing. And... when I wear my brightly-coloured cotton gypsy dress, with beads sewn to the front panel, and my striped stockings, and my sleek black granny boots, and my ankle-length orange sweater-coat, and my cameo necklace and peacock-feather earrings to work, or while wandering about downtown, I look a little eccentric, but not... wacky? I might stand out a bit, but not like... I don't know, a cat at the beach. But once in the high-school, surrounded by my age-mates, I discovered that not only was I the only girl wearing a skirt or dress at all, I was also the only girl not wearing a sweatshirt of some kind. I was also in the minority in having brushed my hair before coming, apparently. (I'm not even a morning person!) And then I felt really weird, because the sheer not-like-anybody-else-ness of my appearance must have made me seem very unapproachable, and that combined with my terminal shyness might have made people think I was a bit of a snob. I smiled at everybody, though! I like smiling at people! It's the bit where I make words with my mouth that I can't quite get right! (To quote Willow, "Usually I can make a few vowel sounds... and then I have to go away.")

(Seriously, though. I expected to see someone wearing something that wasn't depressing, unnattractive grunge-wear. Teenage girls are supposed to be obsessed with their appearances! It doesn't take long to put on something attractive! What about a cute t-shirt and jeans and a pair of Converses or pretty flats? I just... don't understand. Wouldn't you feel better and more confident if you presented yourself in an alert, attractive ways?)

And then to cement my status as Geeky Madwoman, I found that I sort of enjoyed the test. Sort of. There's something very pleasing and orderly about answering questions and putting pieces together and making everything right. The mathematics section wasn't quite so fun, but it was sort of satisfying, I suppose, although I skipped a lot of questions I couldn't answer -- in contrast, I didn't skip a single one of the English questions, finished every section with time to spare, and am ninety-eight percent certain that I answered everything correctly. (I'm not being cocky, either. They really weren't very difficult. And also enjoyable and relaxing. I wish I had a website of "choose the most fitting pair of words" problems, and "find the grammar mistake" problems; there's a nice steady rhythm, so it's relaxing and stimulating at the same time.)

The essay I am nervous about, but reasonably satisfied, given my track record with flash essays (which is not so great). I managed to cite about three things from my 'reading, experiences, studies, et cetera', and I think my position was reasonably supported and established, and I took perhaps a different angle on the prompt than a lot of other people might.

It was four hours, and by the end I was very sore, and ravenous, but very awake (...well, I was then), and very intellectually stimulated; it was sort of like the mental equivalent of bicycling to work. Strenuous, but sharpening. I really wasn't expecting that. I also wasn't expecting my successful concentration; my mind rarely drifted very far when I was meant to be answering problems, and I was able to force myself to think things through that tend to make me panic. (I... forgot my calculator. But I managed surprisingly well without it, and am sort of pleased at my mental math abilities.)

And then Mum came to collect me, with the entire set of siblings in tow, and we acquired KFC on the way home. And I rewarded myself with Dollhouse. A few hours later, sleep overwhelmed me rather abruptly.

Now to wait for scores. :/

Current Mood: ...perhaps a little stressed?
Current Music: "song of the traveling daughter", abigail washburn

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bookmad woman

Guess what I get to do tomorrow? If your wager was 'get up at six in order to sit in an ugly grey school gymnasium for four hours and fill in little circles', you're right! Congratulations, you get a cookie. Except I'm fresh out of cookies, so you can have this chocolate that got sat on just now.

So yes: SATs tomorrow. Am I ready? HAHAHAHAHA... no. But I could study for months and not be a bit ready, especially for the mathematical bits. I am very confident -- perhaps even cocky -- about the English bits, if terrified of the essay, which is a little comforting; at least there's something on the test that won't feel like bicycling into the wind (which I did on Wednesday night). And I really ought to be ~~cramming~~ studying, but instead I am nursing a headache. Bah to all headaches. Bah to spectacles with the left stem missing. Bah bah bah.

Adventure of today: Dad drove me to a town even more dismal and grey than mine, because it is only there that I can acquire a photo ID. I need this in order to take the SATs, and also in order to open a bank account (I have an unsettling amount of cash hidden in an undisclosed corner of my bedroom; also I would like a debit card, and PayPal, and not to have to wait until my parents can cash my paychecks for me). And really there are bits of my town which are extremely nice indeed -- my old neighbourhood, for one, with its old respectable houses and lovely ancient trees and the hill, and some of the old abandoned buildings around town which, while sad and ugly, are also very fascinating. In Clearfield I cannot imagine anyone ever being happy. Or wanting to move very much. Or being able to see in colour.

The Department of Motor Vehicles is in the mall. The mall consists of Ollie's Bargain Basement (significant for its enormous quantity, if not variety, of bargain books), Goodwill, Dollar General, the aforementioned DMV, and... something else? Perhaps? Some arcade games and things. There is also a J.C. Penney. I have never been inside. There are also lots of empty spaces, and everything is sad and tired and grey. Fortunately I did not have to wait around for very long. I filled out a lot of paperwork and had to present a lot of other paperwork as evidence that I am, in fact, human, and precisely who I say I am (the bloke in charge was a very professorly looking fellow with a neat white beard and spectacles and a sweater; I liked him), and I signed my name about six times. And then I stood in line to get my picture taken in front of a blue sheet. (My picture turned out quite decently, I must say, for an ID photo, since they are usually ghastly. I wasn't even having a particularly good hair day! But I did, in fact, smile, which no-one in front of me seemed to be interested in doing. And my peacock-feather earrings and cameo brooch necklace are clearly visible...)

And then I met Dad at Ollie's. I had been mourning that Dad, unlike Mum, would not be as susceptable to the lure of bargain books, and it was unlikely that I would be able to convince him to take me there for a bit, but when he could see I would be in line for a good ten minutes he said he was going to poke around there, and I said fervently that I would meet him. So I did. After a while. Actually I went straight for the book section and he found me there five minutes later. And I must say, I scored very well! -- a gorgeous hardcover copy of Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (I have a paperback, but I've never much liked my cover -- green, over a painting of something, and the original cream-on-black cover is so beautiful and simple and evocative!), and The Book Thief, and The Scarlet Pimpernel, all hardcovers! And the most expensive of them was four dollars. Oh, books. It made up for not getting to the library before it closed. (Anyway I still had the last fifty or so pages of the penultimate Dresden Files book to finish. Auuugh, there's only one left to read! Until the next one comes out, anyway. But whatever shall I do inn the meantime?)

And now I should write another practice essay. And look over the algebra section in my test preparation book some more. I covet your prayers, dear ones. I covet them a lot.

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: "sir eglamore", kate rusby

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it's a pity i still can't hum at work

Clearly I am a lunatic, because I jumped at the chance to work eight hours tomorrow -- Saturday -- and was then outwardly gleeful and excited about it. But then a bookstore is not a bad place to spend most of one's Saturday, no matter which side of the counter one is on.

My aunt and uncle have just left; it was a good, amiable visit; my mother made an excellent dinner which everyone enjoyed; and my father made a ridiculously luscious chocolate pie; and we all caught up on a long long time's worth of doings and beings and patterns and plans. Everything went smoothly. I am pleased. (Of course all of my girl cousins are either in college or preparing for college, and seem to be very very successful about it, too, whereupon I have to fight the desire to crawl under the counterpane and make panicky noises. My parents will get to tell Fun College Stories and visit campuses and pack up all of my things! I will get a degree and go about in my crimson spectacles exacting fines with a flourish and happily putting books on shelves and taking them off again!)

And now to bed, because I've got to get up early tomorrow in order to arrive at work at nine! Good heavens, I'll want lunch. But! The bookstore! On Saturday! When it is very busy and full of eager readers and... many many many opportunities for me to really muck things up. Let's not dwell on that, shall we? And now to bed.

Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: "sleep must heal the heart", molly marlette

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that sigh of relief just now was me

OH THANK GOD, YOU GUYS. The application deadline for Emerson College is not until January 5. Thank God. I cannot express how ridiculously much I want to go to this college. It is right in the middle of Boston, overlooking the Common (which is exactly what I wanted -- not in so much detail, but still!), and when I got their informational booklets in the mail, our first week in this house, I actually started crying, because they were so exactly what I wanted. And they even sent me stickers! I mean, stickers! They have a promising film program, and encourage designing one's own course of study based on uniting one's divergent interests into a greater whole -- so my interests in writing, filmmaking, photography, music, and human rights can all fit together in ways that compliment each other. They have blocks on campus to unite people with specific interests -- so I could live on the Writers' Block, if I desired. And -- everything. The testimonies I read, the descriptions of courses, the mission statement of the school, it was all so utterly me that I nearly wept and danced at once. And it's in Boston! Within walking distance of Lots of Awesome Things.

And, hey, you know what I'm really, really craving right now? (Besides fresh chocolate chip cookies, I mean.) Awesome catchy music. Like, even intelligent pop music -- I've had Adele's "Chasing Pavements" on repeat a lot lately (thankee,

last_archangel!), and Feist's radio hits make me happy (and dancey) whenever they pop up unexpectedly on shuffle, and you know what else is really catchy? Sarah Slean's "Sweet Ones". (I sing -- or mime-sing into the mirror -- nearly every time I hear it; I can't even help it). I'm really, really in need of that kind of music, the kind of music that gets stuck in your head in a fond sort of way, and makes you smile when you hear it. If you have any, that would make my night.