with more air than words

[ontology]

I've been cleaning out my bedroom, which managed, over the course of the winter, to become an eerily accurate representation of the inside of my mind -- dark, messy, grimy, haphazard, in a state of massive disrepair. I had put the curtains I got for Christmas up on one window, but never got round to putting them up on the other, my bed hadn't been made since January, there were piles of discarded miscellany in every possible nook and cranny. I pulled all of my clothing out of the dressers, folded it, and put it back in. I filled an entire garbage bag with (largely) unnecessary papers and paper bags from the candy shop and Goodwill tags and miscellaneous packaging.

 And then around one thirty in the morning, I had a classic existential breakdown -- the usual sort of thing, why am I here, what am I doing, how does anything mean anything anyway? -- and got up and moved my bed into the middle of the room. I don't really even know why I vented my angst in that manner -- I suppose it helped with the curtains, and now when I wake up I have one window at the foot of my bed and the other window in direct line with my head, if I face to the right. I moved things, and threw more things away, and put my library books on a shelf, and put new sheets on the bed, and my head got a little clearer. I pushed open the window and climbed out onto the roof, which I suppose was an absurd thing to do in the middle of the night, but I wasn't making any noise about it. And there was the moon. The night air was cool, with a faint sheen of humidity, and great smoky clouds were billowing across the moon's face, and somewhere in the distance the ghostly skeleton-melody of wind-chimes caught on the breeze. I sat and watched until the clouds covered the moon, and then slipped back through the window and read myself to sleep.

I haven't had one of those moments in a while. Perhaps I'm beginning to wake up.


(Also, you guys, The Swell Season is gorgeous.)

Comments

[lady-moriel.livejournal.com]

♥ ♥

My bedroom (and also my dad's den, while he's gone) is beginning to look like the inside of my mind, too, which is to say disorganized with things half-done all over. I try not to think about it much because when I do it's kind of depressing.

Also I have tickets now, so...I hope there's enough room on the floor for a sleeping bag or whatever. >_< (Also I can climb out on your roof too, yes? Seriously, I've always wanted to do that.)

[faeriemaiden.livejournal.com]

SORRY I JUST FEEL LIKE SQUEEING A LITTLE BIT.

(I dunno, maybe it just actually hit me that YOU ARE COMING TO VISIT ME IN FOUR MONTHS ALKHDFLKHSKLHG. *GLOMPS*)

But, yep, lots of room on the floor, or I think we have a cot thingummy, but it might be kind of uncomfortable. Or, I have no idea how comfortable you are about sharing beds (I'd say I'm not dangerous, but Alyssa will tell you that I attacked her in my sleep when I stayed with her the summer before last, and it's totally true, I dreamed I was pulling someone's hair, and I lunged over and yanked hers), but mine's kind of huge-ish. Or you could sleep on the roof. ;p (Well, no, you'd roll off and die. But I've always wanted to sleep up there, if only there was a guard-rail of some kind.)

You can totally climb out on my roof! It's kind of scratchy, but there's a nice tree overhead.

♥!

[travellers-home.livejournal.com]

I've never lived in a house that had any windows conveniently situated near a roofline, alas. It sounds fabulous... I've actually wanted a widow's walk for I don't know how long. I think the idea of a tiny standing area on the top of a house is just enchanting, especially when said house has a decent view.

[suangelita.livejournal.com]

Hee! That sounds charming!

One of these days this summer, maybe, I'll see if Sarah'll let me come over and lie on their roof to tan... ^_^ *laughs at everyone and their inane desire to remain as pale as the winter snow*

[take-a-sadsong.livejournal.com]

I really want a tan. I have this desire to look really European/Spanish. haha. ^_^

My room is rather clean (just dusty). My bureau is messy, but I don't really clutter it up much. I hate writing on paper, because I'm stuck with it forever. At least I can delete my rubbish writing off my computer. :P

Oh, I want to climb up on our garage roof again. :) I did it once to watch fireworks downtown for the fourth, and I couldn't actually see, but it was still fantastic to be up there. :]

[take-a-sadsong.livejournal.com]

Lj totally hacked my comment and took out my witty remark about hijacking your comment. :|

[suangelita.livejournal.com]

AH! YAY! Someone after my own heart! That's why I do it too!!!! Finally someone who isn't concerned about their porcelain complexion! ;)

Jolene, why didn't you introduce us earlier? ;)

[wanderlight.livejournal.com]

I know this is a very belated comment, but. Banui dear, reading that last line gives me hope, and I hope to hear more like it in the future. So don't give up, keep struggling for beautiful things. ♥ you.