my heart is a glorious machine;

Well, I suppose I really ought to just come out with it, especially as Mum has mentioned it in enough public places for me to feel as if it's all right to share with my general intimate sphere, and yet the words don't want to be typed, I suppose--maybe typing them will make things more confusing, or have me attached too deeply; and yet it's far too important not to be said, and some certain persons who read this blog already know--and look, now you know how I sound when I am actually talking, rambling on and on and on and on as if I haven't the foggiest notion what a full stop is. All right: I shall just come out and say it.

Mum is pregnant again.

At any other time we would all be absolutely beside ourselves with elation, but instead we're all rather nervous, or More Than Nervous and pretending to be Simply Nervous for the sake of our general sanity. It's only been three months since we lost baby Jabez, and so we're all (i.e., Mum, Dad, and I, as no-one else in the immediate family knows--and I wasn't even supposed to know, except that Mum told me before Dad told her not to, so we're pretending that I don't know) worried that something is going to go wrong. And yet--it almost seems like a gift, a real God sort of thing: the baby's due date is almost a year to the day that we found out that Mum was miscarrying Jabez (and Dad lost his job, and we basically had The Week/Month From Hell).

So, pray: as hard as you can. I don't think any of us are ready to go through losing another baby.

Yes, well, I am back, and not dead. Exactly. Er. Probably mostly, because I am being Suffocated By Boxes in an extremely undramatic manner. They are taking over the house. Which is in its own way a good sort of thing, as we are supposed to be out of said house by the end of the month, which is in a week and a half or so, but--aiee. It is beginning to be Mad. 

Had a splendid time at Hickory Fest. Have blisters. Got wet. Have new silk handkerchief-hem skirt. Dislike rednecks much more profoundly than ususal, as there was rather a profusion of noisy drunken ones about. (Am also once again Frustrated With My Generation. And 'frustrated' is entirely too light a word.) 

Um.

(Something profound, something profound...)

Argh.

I just realised that school starts in about two weeks. ARGH. (If it weren't for Mathematics and Chemistry, this would be mostly all right, because zomg, I am studying British history and literature; what could possibly be better than that? However, I don't much fancy having my skin fall off due to third-degree acid burns. Oh, yeah, and there are Essays. Essays are the Bane of My Existence, because I can't say anything concisely and make sense at the same time. *whimpers*)

Well, then. I leave for the church in about an hour; we load up our luggage and drive to Pittsburgh, where we have a 5:40 flight. According to my flight schedule, we change planes in Memphis and arrive in Mobile, Alabama at 8:55, from which we presumably are driven to Pascagoula, Mississippi. 

(By the way, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. AAAAGH! Trying not to panic, but I feel so--unprepared, I suppose. I've never done anything like this before. I'm afraid I'll mess up, or somehow deprive myself of the rewarding experience this is supposed to be. Then again, I am Chronically Paranoid.) 

So, I have everything packed--camera, clothing, towels, 50 SPF sunscreen (I have no desire whatsoever to be tanned), hardcore bugspray (equally adverse to being bitten), Jo March-like gigantic straw hat, music, books (Blue Like Jazz, The Importance of Being Earnest, Americans' Favourite Poems, a few other assorted titles, and the Eliot and Rilke which I take everywhere), and my chocolate mint cookies. I have been showered, brushed, and Naired. I have burned myself four CDs (three mixes, one of Dad's). I suppose this means I'm ready. (Don't panic, Banui.) 

Dad called last night; he wanted to talk to me before I left. He told me about all the restaurants he's been enjoying in Denver--I remember him mentioning a Persian restaurant and an Indian one--and his general successes in locating old friends; and then he prayed with me about the trip. (He also sat in front of a Target while on the phone, out of pure spite. ^-^ We have none here.) 


On the bad news front, my mum's slightly--er--interesting relatives from Colorado are coming for a "surprise" visit. That is, it was a surprise visit until my uncle spilled the beans to Dad, who called Mum to warn her. They'll be arriving just before I get back, and while Dad is still gone. Pray that we do not all go mad. 

On the exceedingly good news front: I mentioned on my Xanga but neglected to post here that we have to move out of our house by the end of August, because we can't be certain we'll be here through the winter, so we can't sign a new contract with our landlord. This sent us for a bit of a spin, as we had no idea where we'd be able to go. But, praise God, we're going to be able to live in our friends the Meholicks' house when they move out (which is before we have to). Father M (also known as Father Jack Sparrow) is an Orthodox priest, and his family's lived in the rectory next to the church for over a decade, but they finally bought their own house, as they have six children (and most likely counting) and the rectory's getting rather crowded. They've been lobbying with their church board to let us stay in the rectory until Dad has a job and we can move somewhere more permenant, and we just got the news that we've been approved! Honestly, I think this is the best possible place we could be moving for a transition time, as it's a place that is very familiar, welcoming, and comfortable, in a neighbourhood we're at least mildly familiar with, so the disorentation factor will not be overwhelming. (Also, it's walking distance from the college library, and there's an ice cream truck that makes the rounds down that street.) 

Well--I'll see you lot on the thirtieth, unless by some miracle I come by a computer in Mississippi (unlikely, I suppose). Shall return with scads of pictures and stories to tell. ♥!

(Alyssa and I, respectively, as pirates)

Well, here I am. It's nice to feel familiar keys under my fingertips and know where the bumps and ridges are, and how things behave, but everything's infinitesimally different, as it always is when I return from a trip, and the house seems smaller and darker, and this confounded dial-up and three-year-old computer are about to drive me through the wall. Today's nearly proven to be a rather glum day, other than the magnificent thunderstorm that showered sheets of rain and hail all over the yard, and--well, I'll get to the other.

I shall have freakish holiday picspam for all of you lot soon!

I refuse to be angsty anymore, except that all resolutions will go down the drain tomorrow, which I think is the day Dad is officially announcing his resignation, or having it announced, or...something. Anyway. Bits of random Banuinews:

• I walked all around the block today while reading. It was vastly entertaining. I'm not certain, however, if it was more entertaining than the time I walked all around the block in my ballgown, hat-tied-under-my-chin, and lace shawl.
• I attempted to put on my mother's wedding dress today, as it is gorgeous and Victorian and has a generous lacy train, but I could not get it to zip up all the way. Fortunately, Mum tells me she couldn't zip it either without the corsety thingummy she bought, which she called something else as it isn't a proper corset and doesn't lace, but it has the same basic function. (I tried that on, too, several days ago, and had slight difficulty breathing, but I couldn't find it today.) Blast. I wanted to take pictures outside by the woods and muss up my hair and look spooky and ghostly and gothic and tragic, but alas, such is not the prosaicness of life.
• I wrote a bit of ickle!Remus today. Most definitely odd.
• I bought KT Tunstall's album Eye to the Telescope on iTunes t'other day, and it took about five hours to download the thirteen tracks. Hate my internet. HATE IT. However, I hear there's a chance we may be getting Real Internet soon. I really madly hope so. Anyway, album = love. It's bluesy. And, as I said, "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" is serious brilliance. I'm still getting to know the other songs, but I'm rather partial to "Under the Weather" and "Silent Sea" at the moment.
• I have lost all of my pens. This is very distressing. Last night I tried to write with a cheap imitation of the pens I use, and not only was it nothing in comparison, it was also running out of ink. Bleh. Life is pain, highness.
• I think bullets are really neat.
• I should stop typing now.
• I started every paragraph with 'I'.
• Except this one.
• I really ought to get a few hobbies.