my heart is a glorious machine;

Today has been a day of Not Very Good-ness. Last night I was exhausted, only I couldn't sleep. I must have woken up five or six times in the night. Why, I don't know; my on-again, off-again cold isn't particularly on-again just now, I hadn't napped yesterday, I was not very stressed, I was not in any sort of pain, there was nothing wrong with my mattress or pillow, and there were no loud noises or nightmares -- except a minor nightmare, actually, which turned out to be PROPHETIC. You know how you have those dreams where your teeth start crumbling and falling out? I have those a lot; I don't really know why, because I have fairly decent teeth, and I take fairly decent care of them. Anyway, sometime this morning I had a far more terrifying variation: the keyboard of my laptop was cumbling and the laptop itself was disintegrating and generally not being in good shape at all.

Remember how I said my dream was prophetic? Well, yeah. It wasn't nearly so interestingly melodramatic, but the laptop crashed this afternoon. It is still crashing whenever I turn it on. More irritatingly still, its pre-crashing somehow managed to wipe all of the data off of my iPod. Fortunately Moony himself is perfectly all right, I just have to PUT EVERYTHING BACK. I mostly have, and am copying things from the second computer just now, but EVERYTHING ON THE LAPTOP IS CURRENTLY INACCESSABLE. (YES, THIS MEANS SPN. I MAY CRY.) Fortunately Jonathan thinks that all hope is not lost and will look at it tomorrow. I have spent a lot of the day feeling icky -- my head fogged up and I am having flashes of weird almost-nausea and general tiredness -- and attempting to resucitate my poor fallen comrades, and reading very hard, and feeling incredibly restless and unhappy. I wish it wouldn't take so bedimmed long for our application to rent the house to be either approved or denied; one of the things I hate most in the world is waiting when you haven't any control over the outcome. You just sit about and wait and wear holes in the floor.

askjfhkjhfdkjsdgh hi guys!

i am perhaps a little too giddy for capitalisation. also, sleepy. should probably work on rectifying the last. (with sleeping, silly, not caffeine.)

now all i need is moony. who is still sitting in dad's car, poor thing. (dad's car is a hazardous place. you never know what may fall on you, or whether you may disappear, never to be seen again.)

YOU GUYS, MY IPOD JUST WENT DEAD WITH NO WARNING OR APPARENT CAUSE. THE SCREEN IS BLACK AND THERE IS NO SOUND OF HARD-DRIVE WORK GOING ON INSIDE.

WE LEAVE FOR GREY FOX TOMORROW MORNING.

I AM KIND OF UPSET RIGHT NOW.

edit: okay, I'm kind of really upset right now. Because despite being covered by warranty until December, I'm being told that I need to pay thirty dollars in shipping and handling when I submit a service request.

I DID THIS IN APRIL AND YOU DIDN'T ASK ME TO PAY THIRTY DOLLARS. D:

ALSO I DON'T REALLY HAVE SOME THIRTY DOLLARS JUST LYING AROUND.

Furthermore nowI can't even do anything until we get home on Sunday night, which means I will spend the entire festival worrying and obsessing about this problem no matter how many times I try to relax and tell myself to stop being silly and worrying about things I can't do anything about, because my mind always does this to me even when it is a much smaller, absurder, non-issue of an issue.

So, I'm back. (Actually I got back on Monday about three in the morning, just as I said, but I've been hobnobbing with the Meholick clan and assorted others for most of the past several days and therefore have not been on the computer very much at all.) There are stories. Some of them are long. I'm kind of too tired to tell them all. It's been good -- and it's been marvellous and incandescent, too, in bits -- but today I messed up rather spectacularly and now I'm just so tired. So, no stories tonight.

(Moony is back, though, and I'm ever so happy to have him. Shuffle is my best friend when I have a nasty heap of dishes to wash: it doesn't give a whole album the flavour, forever after, of dishwashing, and the element of surprise adds a bit of a kick. Also: portable telly!)


For some reason I love everyone a little more intensely and a little more achingly today. I don't know why.

The weather has been fluctuating. Very indecisive of it, I say. It really ought to make up its mind. (Then again I could say much the same of myself.)

I've been having a few adventures, which is nice. Even being profoundly irritated is a pleasant change from sitting in the house and not having any decent sunlight. My earbuds went sort of mad and fell apart this week, and I liked them very much and had only bough them about a month or so ago. (The ones which came with the iPod went bad in one ear fairly quickly, too. I seem to have horrible, horrible luck with earbuds, and I don't even do anything particularly daring with them. I can't remember ever getting either pair wet, or stepping on them, or electrocuting them. Very odd.) So I took them back to Wal-Mart hoping they would exchange them despite the fact that I was recieptless (technically Mum bought them for me), the earbuds looked mauled (one bit fell off, and then the wires started coming out, and I swear I did nothing), and were stuffed into a decapitated remnant of the original packaging. Astonishingly enough, no questions were asked: I only had to show the woman at the Customer Service desk my earbuds and she was going to let me walk off with a new pair. Until she asked for identification.

I have library cards, right? Library cards and some outdated gift cards I never remember to throw out; I don't drive yet, so that's out, and I only recently acquired my Social Security card (the other Official Thing By Which We Can Tell You Are Legally Human), and tend not to carry it around with me, since aren't you not supposed to in case you get mugged? I haven't memorised it either, though, which I reckon is not of the good. Well, really, it wasn't, because unless I could prove by the Government Sanctioned Manner that I was in fact human and allowed to take things out of stores and use them as I pleased, I could not exchange my earbuds.

There should be a dramatic end to this story, or at least an amusing one, but mainly what happened was that I left, tore through my desk to find my social security card, and came back the next afternoon, Legally Human. It sounds really flat when you put it that way, actually. I mean, there was the other exciting bit when I ranted all the way home (yea, even out loud) about the evils of capitalism and how this wouldn't have been a problem a hundred years ago, and back then we could even still barter, couldn't we?, and I shook my fist at the heavens and thought about blaming Joss Whedon or some hapless gnomes, but otherwise -- thoroughly excised of drama. Alas.



Also have been out and about with Alessandra (and Mum, today); our new tradition is to sing songs from "Once More, With Feeling" as we walk places. The weather was so nice yesterday that I opened my windows, and then I climbed out on the roof and sat watching a rainstorm come in and listened to music and got wet, and I think I had a little zing of sharp vivid feeling, just for a moment or two. If only it would get properly warm. I've never felt so hungry for sunlight, almost physically in need of it (well, maybe I'm vitamin deficient, but that takes a lot of romance out of things), as though lying out and letting the daylight soak into me would solve a lot of things. Maybe it would. The sun's finally begun to come into the house -- it was withdrawn all winter, not only because the sky was overcast almost constantly (something I only recently realised), but -- it just stayed. In the summer and most of the autumn the hallway and my bedroom in particular went golden all over when the sun set every evening; lately the sunsets have been only noticeable because suddenly it's more dark outside than it was previously.

I have memes due. I shall get to them soon, forsooth.

I loathe the snow and want it to run far, far away, and if I had a magical blowtorch I would...well, magically-blowtorch it away. Alack, I do not. So I am forced to suffer in silence. (Well, complaining, anyway. I SHALL NOT BE SILENT. SNOW, FEEL MY DISDAIN.)

So, my weekend of awesome.



And now I am composing weirdly philosophical fandom thoughts in my head, which means it is high time I slept. (Also: have completed fanmix of which I am rather proud, but MediaFire is being a lot of a pain and crashing every time I try to load the .zip. Hiss. Tomorrow, perhaps. *is all significant*)