...

Tomorrow I get a day off at last. I am very very happy about this. I was going to sleep in, only I remembered that I have a psych appointment at ten am. Well -- it's very fortuitous that Dr DiGilarmo's office is a block away from my house. I will say that. (Also I get candy there, and Newsweek, and once there was an interview with Abigail Washburn, and it made me very very happy.) 

Anyway, yes, very worn out, though surprisingly less cranky than I was -- perhaps because I do not have to go to work tomorrow?, and I sold four gift cards (we have a new gift card rack and We Must Sell Lots and report back on how many we got people to buy), and had a long chat with a grandmotherly woman who was paging through the Harry Potter daily calendar with glossy photographs, marvelling fondly about how much those kids have grown. And then she asked me about Twilight. ("One of my students wants me to read the book...") And I ranted. Venemously. And she laughed. ("And, look, vampires should not sparkle in the sun. Okay?") And then I found out that her Twihard student had my name.

Four hours -- well, four and a half to four and three quarters, if you include bicycle time -- really oughtn't to devour all of the rest of the day surrounding it the way it does. It is very inconvenient. But today was busy (and yesterday was very nearly hectic! -- and I loved it!), and went by very quickly, only I had to go to the bathroom terribly about halfway through my shift, oh dear.

I feel as though I have got something interesting to say, some anecdote or thought or observation to report, but if there is one, I am too tired to know what it is. Oh, well, the USB cord to my iPod is dead, and kept messing up the iPod very badly, and I tried to restore it, but it said it didn't take, only it did, halfway, so now the iPod says that all of the files are there, but none of them wooooork. So my iPod is utterly useless except for clock purposes until I get a new USB cord. (THE LAST ONE WAS A REPLACEMENT AND IT COST ME TWENTY DOLLARS.) This time I am shooting for eBay, because it is cheaper.

And ... I am very, very, magnificently ginger. That is all.

oh the dreadful wind & rain! (& snow & sleet & ice!)

I twined my smallest strand of fairy lights all around my iron headboard this evening, and when the lights are turned off in my bedroom, they send faint finger-touches of colour all about the walls and the bedspread like little blessings.

Thus far the Day Off has been a success. I did not, as I often do, spend a lot of time getting around to accomplishing something, and ending my day of lazy leisure with a thick feeling of disappointment. It took a while, but I did do things eventually -- went to the library (that was purely for pleasure, but as it involved running two blocks in the bitter cold, it woke up my senses enough to get to the Next Step), made a large lunch, cleaned my bedroom. I listened to NPR all day, which I have sorely missed, and -- well, I would have slept in if not for my appointment with Dr DiGilarmo at ten am, which I also ran to (only a block, though). I feel a little less -- jumbled about, now, I think, in some ways? And -- several weeks ago he had me take a test for ADHD, and the questions made me laugh because I was checking "VERY OFTEN" for nearly all of them, so he had me take another one today, to see how consistent my scores were, and -- they were pretty ruddy consistent. So I have an appointment with my doctor on Friday ...  

(I'm rather optimistic about this -- even depression treatment hasn't cleared up some of my messiest mental problems: the fatigue, the inability to concentrate, the way I keep drifting around life unable to touch anything; the way I can never, ever, ever finish projects, or half the time start them; the general feeling of my head never being clear, like my bedroom, except I know how to clean that, and my head just keeps getting more and more cluttered and disorganised and uncomfortable. If I can just straighten out my head -- I think a lot of things come through after that.)

One of the points of interest I was too exhausted to remember last night is that we got our Christmas tree last week, and Saturday morning Mum & the siblings & I decorated it before I went to work. (It wasn't quite right, doing it in daylight, but we had a Christmas open house for members of our little church that evening, so we couldn't wait till after I got home.) Our Christmas tree is always such a fun colourful jumble of unique ornaments, each humming with memories. Of course Leandra keeps trying to run off with them ...  And the fireplace mantle has a garland entwined with fairy lights, and the stockings are up, and there are extra boughs from the tree nestled around the sconces on each end of the far wall: everything is marvellously cosy.

And now for bed... ! (Maybe.)