A Not-So-Open Letter

[ontology]

Dear imbecilic reviewer,

Item the First: 'nice, please continue' is not an appreciated comment. If you liked it so much, you could say why. Item the Second: One-shots are not meant to be continued. Nor are fics marked, quite plainly, 'COMPLETED'. Most of my fics are one-shots or glorified short-stories, which means I do not plan to continue them. At all. Ever. I mean it. I may continue to write about the characters used in any given fic, and I may (especially if characters in question are Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks) reference the events of one fic within the body of another, but I am NOT GOING TO CONTINUE WRITING A ONE-SHOT. I'm really very sorry if you are too dim to figure this out.

Item the Third: Please, if you're not familiar with a fandom, do not read and comment on stories written in that fandom. My assumption of your unfamiliarity may be wrong, but it seems to me that if you were familiar with the fandom of the story upon which you commented, you would have realised that there isn't any possibility of or room for me to continue the one-shot I wrote. Why? Because Karen Hancock already did. It's a MISSING MOMENT FIC. Honestly. Also, 'Misc. Books' does not equal 'Original Work Thinly Veiled As Fanfiction'. The Legends of the Guardian-King may be a little-known fandom, and ff.net may have brutally destroyed my hyphen (as it is wont to do), but the fandom is real. 

Item the Fourth: Please, please, dear people of the world, for the love of all that is good and right and fandomy, please do not use "Legolas" as a username, in whole or in part, in any way shape or form ever again as long as we both shall live and Tolkien's grave remain undisturbed. Once upon a time, I did not hate the bloke. I found him slightly dull and occasionally annoying, but no harm done. Then came the movies and the fangirls and the schmaltzy badfic, and now I loathe Legolas with the burning passion of a thousand flaming suns. (I still love you PJ, but LOOK WHAT YOU HATH WROUGHT. I swear, you could have hired anyone, and you hired Orlando "Orli" Bloom. I suppose I would have been just as annoyed, however, if you had made your interpretation of Legolas drunk, potbellied, profoundly middle-aged, and having a proficiency for wife-beaters. 

...Then again...) 

Very sincerely,

She Who Really Honestly Does Sleep With A Knife On Her Bedside Table

In other news, I just realised that every single fic I have written or begun writing or thought about writing in the past several weeks has been centered around poetry, based on poetry, or inspired by a line or two of poetry, most of it Eliot, with the one exception being that Sirius-Dylan fic which is still sitting lonesomely in my hard-drive looking for a plot.

Comments

[charismitaine.livejournal.com]

Re: Item the Fourth--Dear GOD, yes. And no Legoluss_Luver or any variation thereof, or I will be forced to claw my eyes out out of sheer frustration. And if you absolutely must, for heaven sake don't do it on my forums. Only hardcore fangirls are allowed into the inner geek sanctums.

[faeriemaiden.livejournal.com]

Eeeeurgh. I have known so many OrlisNumberOneFans and leggieistehhots that they've all begun to melt into one collective entity in my head. It's really quite frightening. (I'm also disturbed at the fact that half of them don't find the nickname "Leggie" to be comical and use it in deepest earnest.)

He's a MINOR CHARACTER, dammit! He doesn't even do anything especially important! He just stands there AND LOOKS ATTRACTIVE. He would use up ALL YOUR HAIR PRODUCTS! If you must fantasise, go do it in a quiet, private place away from all civilisation like I do, except not involving Legolas.

[ressie-noldo.livejournal.com]

Oh, word. I'd give up on Fanfiction.Net completely, if it wasn't for the fact that I do meet a lot of intelligent and non-grammar-mangling people on there, like you and callirhoe and a couple of others.


Legolas. Psh.

Everyone knows Aragorn is hotter. <-- Er, ignore my inner fangirl.

[faeriemaiden.livejournal.com]

I'd give up too, except that it's the only place wherein I can read and write in any fandom I feel like dabbling in at the moment (not like I often stray beyond my usual, but, you know, sometimes). Otherwise, it is a cesspool of linguistic decay and ought to be hit repeatedly with the butt of a musket (mostly because musket is a fun word to say). And you're actually the only person I've met through there; everyone else I know from about half a dozen other places. Heh.

And of course he is. Infinitely. ♥

[trolliepop.livejournal.com]

if you had made your interpretation of Legolas drunk, potbellied, profoundly middle-aged, and having a proficiency for wife-beaters.

*laughs hysterically at the idea of redneck!elves*

Ugh. Yes. FanFiction can be a very trying thing. I've pretty much given up on find new stuff. I've just been sticking with authors who I know are good at it. It's been forever since I've looked for anything new to get into. I'm too frightened of what I might find.

[faeriemaiden.livejournal.com]

Must erase all images of Legolas in a pickup truck from brain--! AGH!

And yeah, lately, I only look for new things in other people's favourites and follow long chains from there, occasionally finding something worthwhile. I only ever look at ff.net's "Just In" page if I'm feeling especially masochistic and/or need a laugh, depending on how much brain I want to have by the end of the day. :D