ohh, i cried
Jul. 23rd, 2007 08:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ontologySo, yeah, this is me, back from holiday. REALLY EXCELLENT HOLIDAY. Will discuss this later, but there are much more pressing matters at hand.
Like I said, proper post about more of the things I liked and didn't like later, but I have very very very late dinner to find.
First, the non-spoilery bits: so, I'm really really glad that the night of the twenty first turned out to be the best night of the festival and possibly one of the best nights of my life -- guys, Nickel Creek is brilliant in concert; I have been to maybe two or three concerts that approached how good that was, and they played nearly every song I wanted to hear, and, yeah, more on that later (PICTURES TOO!), and I met Chris Thile very briefly and he signed my CD, and then I wandered back to the tent singing 'Demon Lover' and 'Blue Caravan' (neither of which were Nickel Creek songs, but, you know), and the sky. I have never seen so many stars. I lay on my back in the wet grass for an hour or two, gazing at it -- this deserves its own post, really. It was a high point of my life.
So, yeah, Dad and I got home around nine last night, and I, after unpacking, wandered around the house in a fairly desperate state of mind, pretty much incapable of doing or thinking anything until I had my Potter. It was in this state (combined with one of the worst headaches I've had in a while) that I went to sleep. I woke up very suddenly at about eight thirty in the morning -- I was dreaming about something completely benign, and suddenly my brain screamed "TODAY'S THE DAY! YOU CAN HAS DEATHLY HALLOWS NOW!" and I bolted up. Really. I am not making any of this up. I woke up all sudden-like, and I may have sat up -- it was one of those "she bolted up" things I thought only happened in books. Then I spent the next several hours finishing a re-read of Order of the Phoenix, straightening my bedroom, not eating breakfast, dressing appropriately, and trying to work up the courage to actually get onto my bicycle and get my book. (My brother's bicycle, actually, as the seat snapped clean off of mine and no-one has taken it to be fixed yet. The seat on my brother's bicycle went all wonky, too, and won't stop flipping up and down, making riding painful, not to mention mostly impossible. Fortunately I fixed this with a huge amount of shiny blue duct tape.) Waldenbooks opens at ten -- I was actually so terrified that I didn't leave until nearly eleven. Seriously, I was practically shaking at one point.
I really want to tell you lot this inspiring story about how I walked -- ten miles -- barefoot -- in a hail-storm -- while being chased by the police for a crime I hadn't committed -- and collapsed breathless on the Waldenbooks counter (while the clerk took one look at me and said nonchalantly, "Oh, it's another one of those Potter fans -- where did I put those smelling salts?"). Alas, my tale is not so fascinating. I bicycled madly, arrived, parked my bicycle at the mall entrance, and went furtively looking for Waldenbooks. (Except for the bits on the way where I talked to myself a lot and considered cowering under a tree, whimpering, instead of buying the book. I was that terrified.) I was horribly and irrationally afraid that they would have no copies left in stock, somehow, but there was a whole great display of them, and I stared at them for at least three minutes before I worked up the courage to actually pick one up. Then I skulked around the shop for another eight minutes and re-read the end of Half-Blood Prince before I actually approached the counter. Told the lady clerk I was terribly sad about missing the midnight party, which apparently was really nifty, and I paid for my book, and also got a free poster, which is kind of awesome. On my way home I stopped at Wal-Mart and bought obligatory chocolate, because I hadn't had time to bake anything.
Then I rushed home, ran upstairs, spent an irrational amount of time re-organising my bedspread and the things on my windowsill, finally managed to open the book, and read it straight through in three hours, with brief pauses to use the bathroom, fix lunch, flail, and angst.
So, yeah, Dad and I got home around nine last night, and I, after unpacking, wandered around the house in a fairly desperate state of mind, pretty much incapable of doing or thinking anything until I had my Potter. It was in this state (combined with one of the worst headaches I've had in a while) that I went to sleep. I woke up very suddenly at about eight thirty in the morning -- I was dreaming about something completely benign, and suddenly my brain screamed "TODAY'S THE DAY! YOU CAN HAS DEATHLY HALLOWS NOW!" and I bolted up. Really. I am not making any of this up. I woke up all sudden-like, and I may have sat up -- it was one of those "she bolted up" things I thought only happened in books. Then I spent the next several hours finishing a re-read of Order of the Phoenix, straightening my bedroom, not eating breakfast, dressing appropriately, and trying to work up the courage to actually get onto my bicycle and get my book. (My brother's bicycle, actually, as the seat snapped clean off of mine and no-one has taken it to be fixed yet. The seat on my brother's bicycle went all wonky, too, and won't stop flipping up and down, making riding painful, not to mention mostly impossible. Fortunately I fixed this with a huge amount of shiny blue duct tape.) Waldenbooks opens at ten -- I was actually so terrified that I didn't leave until nearly eleven. Seriously, I was practically shaking at one point.
I really want to tell you lot this inspiring story about how I walked -- ten miles -- barefoot -- in a hail-storm -- while being chased by the police for a crime I hadn't committed -- and collapsed breathless on the Waldenbooks counter (while the clerk took one look at me and said nonchalantly, "Oh, it's another one of those Potter fans -- where did I put those smelling salts?"). Alas, my tale is not so fascinating. I bicycled madly, arrived, parked my bicycle at the mall entrance, and went furtively looking for Waldenbooks. (Except for the bits on the way where I talked to myself a lot and considered cowering under a tree, whimpering, instead of buying the book. I was that terrified.) I was horribly and irrationally afraid that they would have no copies left in stock, somehow, but there was a whole great display of them, and I stared at them for at least three minutes before I worked up the courage to actually pick one up. Then I skulked around the shop for another eight minutes and re-read the end of Half-Blood Prince before I actually approached the counter. Told the lady clerk I was terribly sad about missing the midnight party, which apparently was really nifty, and I paid for my book, and also got a free poster, which is kind of awesome. On my way home I stopped at Wal-Mart and bought obligatory chocolate, because I hadn't had time to bake anything.
Then I rushed home, ran upstairs, spent an irrational amount of time re-organising my bedspread and the things on my windowsill, finally managed to open the book, and read it straight through in three hours, with brief pauses to use the bathroom, fix lunch, flail, and angst.
HERE THERE BE SPOILERS!
I mean to do a proper post later -- I need to re-read it, anyway; by the end I was reading so fast, and my mind was so blurred by grief, that I'm sure I was missing a lot of things: it was sort of like rummaging through the laundry to find that one pair of trousers that you really really need, sending everything in your way flying haphazardly behind you. But I have to say that my overall reaction is this huge, confused mass of devastating grief and sheer blinding squee. Very confusing, really.
I loved the book, actually. I thought it was fantastic, and it expanded the universe so much -- both in terms of things we learnt about characters (REGULUS! DUMBLEDORE! SNAPE! GORBLIMEY THE FICS SWIMMING BEFORE MY EYES!) and the further exploration of the Wizarding world outside of Hogwarts, and -- you know, how stuff works, and...things. If it weren't for one bit, this would be a huge flailing post of awesome and yay.
Except that the one bit sort of tore my heart out, set it on fire, and then stomped on it. In cleats.
SERIOUSLY, HOW CAN YOU KILL REMUS AND TONKS. OFF-SCREEN. PURPOSELESSLY. I AM STILL REELING.
Really, guys, I'm devastated.
And I was squeeing about them so much throughout the earlier parts of the book; I was so happy with the way they were being written and everything (sure, Remus was being a git with a martyr complex, but fanfic's been there, done that), and then -- they just died. OFF-SCREEN. I refused to believe it at first, when I read the COMPLETELY RANDOM bit about how their bodies were lying...somewhere...like, maybe they're injured, or we're just supposed to think they're dead, or, I DON'T KNOW, SOMETHING. THE END OF THE BOOK WILL FIX THIS. And then it...didn't. And I am devastated and need someone to hold me because WHAT PLEASE NOT REMUS AND NOT TONKS AND ESPECIALLY NOT REMUS. OF ALL PEOPLE WHO DESERVE TO LIVE!
Seriously, it's like all of my fandoms have conspired to rip out my heart lately. I need a happy fandom, please. Unfortunately the chances of this happening -- ever -- are not very high. Pretty nearly every fandom I can think of involves major character deaths and general woe. The most cheerful fandom I can think off, off-hand, is Emily of New Moon, which isn't precisely all sunshine -- I MEAN, DEAN -- and also the fandom contingent of the readership consists solely ofwanderlight and myself. Even The Lord of the Rings is awfully bittersweet in the end -- BUT AT LEAST MY OTP LIVED A LONG FULL AND HAPPY LIFE. D: DO I JUST KILL SHIPS? IS THAT IT? BECAUSE THIS IS THE SECOND SHIP OF MINE RIPPED ASUNDER MY DEATH IN THE PAST TWO MONTHS. KYRA PLEASE TELL ME THAT NOTHING BAD HAS HAPPENED TO TRAP AND CARISSA OR I MAY BECOME HORRIBLY DESPERATE.
Reading the f-list has been very helpful, though -- funny, most of us seem to be reacting similarly, in that the book was made of win, except for Remus being dead. Which, really, MAY NOT HAVE ACTUALLY HAPPENED. I mean, WE NEVER ACTUALLY SAW IT HAPPEN. Bodies CAN BE FAKED. My theory is that Remus and Tonks saved either the world or someone specific and important in a way that could only be done by messing with space and time -- which means, of course, that the Doctor was involved, and possibly Martha, and also possibly Sirius and Sarah-Jane -- but the cost of this was leaving their old lives behind and having to pretend they were dead, and...stuff. (It made sense in my head!) I don't know, they did something funny to their own time-lines and could no longer exist in their own times. So they travel time and space now, drinking tea and quoting Eliot, and Tonks and Martha and Sarah-Jane wear awesome clothes (and sometimes Sally Sparrow comes along to wear awesome clothes and drink tea and quote Eliot, too). ALSO THEY SECRETLY VISIT TEDDY, LIKE, A LOT. IN DISGUISE. OR SOMETHING. UNTIL HE BECOMES MUCH OLDER AND THEY FINALLY TELL HIM, "HI, WE'RE YOUR DEAD PARENTS WHO AREN'T REALLY DEAD, BUT WE COULDN'T TELL YOU BEFORE BECAUSE TWO OR THREE UNIVERSES MIGHT HAVE EXPLODED." YES.
Oh dear, my way of coping with character death is apparently always to make up some Doctor Who-connected conspiracy. (Charlie? Is in Rose's universe. And he will come back. Other!Torchwood is involved.) I'm not sure what this signifies.
I am going to eat a ridiculous amount of chocolate tonight. And snuggle my Moony plushy until my arms hurt. And oh, egad, the fact that I am wearing a pink blouse that looks very Wizarding is just kind of devastating right now.
I mean to do a proper post later -- I need to re-read it, anyway; by the end I was reading so fast, and my mind was so blurred by grief, that I'm sure I was missing a lot of things: it was sort of like rummaging through the laundry to find that one pair of trousers that you really really need, sending everything in your way flying haphazardly behind you. But I have to say that my overall reaction is this huge, confused mass of devastating grief and sheer blinding squee. Very confusing, really.
I loved the book, actually. I thought it was fantastic, and it expanded the universe so much -- both in terms of things we learnt about characters (REGULUS! DUMBLEDORE! SNAPE! GORBLIMEY THE FICS SWIMMING BEFORE MY EYES!) and the further exploration of the Wizarding world outside of Hogwarts, and -- you know, how stuff works, and...things. If it weren't for one bit, this would be a huge flailing post of awesome and yay.
Except that the one bit sort of tore my heart out, set it on fire, and then stomped on it. In cleats.
SERIOUSLY, HOW CAN YOU KILL REMUS AND TONKS. OFF-SCREEN. PURPOSELESSLY. I AM STILL REELING.
Really, guys, I'm devastated.
And I was squeeing about them so much throughout the earlier parts of the book; I was so happy with the way they were being written and everything (sure, Remus was being a git with a martyr complex, but fanfic's been there, done that), and then -- they just died. OFF-SCREEN. I refused to believe it at first, when I read the COMPLETELY RANDOM bit about how their bodies were lying...somewhere...like, maybe they're injured, or we're just supposed to think they're dead, or, I DON'T KNOW, SOMETHING. THE END OF THE BOOK WILL FIX THIS. And then it...didn't. And I am devastated and need someone to hold me because WHAT PLEASE NOT REMUS AND NOT TONKS AND ESPECIALLY NOT REMUS. OF ALL PEOPLE WHO DESERVE TO LIVE!
Seriously, it's like all of my fandoms have conspired to rip out my heart lately. I need a happy fandom, please. Unfortunately the chances of this happening -- ever -- are not very high. Pretty nearly every fandom I can think of involves major character deaths and general woe. The most cheerful fandom I can think off, off-hand, is Emily of New Moon, which isn't precisely all sunshine -- I MEAN, DEAN -- and also the fandom contingent of the readership consists solely of
wanderlight and myself. Even The Lord of the Rings is awfully bittersweet in the end -- BUT AT LEAST MY OTP LIVED A LONG FULL AND HAPPY LIFE. D: DO I JUST KILL SHIPS? IS THAT IT? BECAUSE THIS IS THE SECOND SHIP OF MINE RIPPED ASUNDER MY DEATH IN THE PAST TWO MONTHS. KYRA PLEASE TELL ME THAT NOTHING BAD HAS HAPPENED TO TRAP AND CARISSA OR I MAY BECOME HORRIBLY DESPERATE. Reading the f-list has been very helpful, though -- funny, most of us seem to be reacting similarly, in that the book was made of win, except for Remus being dead. Which, really, MAY NOT HAVE ACTUALLY HAPPENED. I mean, WE NEVER ACTUALLY SAW IT HAPPEN. Bodies CAN BE FAKED. My theory is that Remus and Tonks saved either the world or someone specific and important in a way that could only be done by messing with space and time -- which means, of course, that the Doctor was involved, and possibly Martha, and also possibly Sirius and Sarah-Jane -- but the cost of this was leaving their old lives behind and having to pretend they were dead, and...stuff. (It made sense in my head!) I don't know, they did something funny to their own time-lines and could no longer exist in their own times. So they travel time and space now, drinking tea and quoting Eliot, and Tonks and Martha and Sarah-Jane wear awesome clothes (and sometimes Sally Sparrow comes along to wear awesome clothes and drink tea and quote Eliot, too). ALSO THEY SECRETLY VISIT TEDDY, LIKE, A LOT. IN DISGUISE. OR SOMETHING. UNTIL HE BECOMES MUCH OLDER AND THEY FINALLY TELL HIM, "HI, WE'RE YOUR DEAD PARENTS WHO AREN'T REALLY DEAD, BUT WE COULDN'T TELL YOU BEFORE BECAUSE TWO OR THREE UNIVERSES MIGHT HAVE EXPLODED." YES.
Oh dear, my way of coping with character death is apparently always to make up some Doctor Who-connected conspiracy. (Charlie? Is in Rose's universe. And he will come back. Other!Torchwood is involved.) I'm not sure what this signifies.
I am going to eat a ridiculous amount of chocolate tonight. And snuggle my Moony plushy until my arms hurt. And oh, egad, the fact that I am wearing a pink blouse that looks very Wizarding is just kind of devastating right now.
Like I said, proper post about more of the things I liked and didn't like later, but I have very very very late dinner to find.
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no subject
Date: 2007-07-24 02:23 am (UTC)So sorry about HP. *pats* It's too bad about Trap and Carissa too. I mean, it was so nice and then... *crackles*
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Date: 2007-07-24 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-24 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-26 01:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-26 01:52 am (UTC)I DON'T EVEN HAVE MONEY FOR THE BOOK AND NO LIBRARIES HAVE IT. LIFE IS CRUEL.
...I have a sudden desire to go back to Tel Tellai & Esme Rogonin. Oy.
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Date: 2007-07-26 01:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 03:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 05:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-29 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-24 04:50 am (UTC)ALSO I AM STILL INCAPABLE OF DISCUSSING DH IN ANYTHING BUT CAPS (TO WHICH NOLDO CAN ATTEST), BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT REMUS & TONKS ARE NOT DEAD & I AM FAIRLY CERTAIN FAN-DALEKS WERE INVOLVED.
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Date: 2007-07-26 02:58 am (UTC)WAIT, FANDALEKS WERE INVOLVED? GORBLIMEY. WHAT HAPPENED, REMUS AND TONKS WERE SAVED BY THE POWER OF THE MCGANN? (ACTUALLY THAT IS NOT A BAD IDEA, ALTHOUGH THE THOUGHT OF REMUS AND EIGHT OCCUPYING THE SAME SPACE COULD CAUSE SMALL EXPLOSIONS. YES, THE THOUGHT ALONE.
I HAVE JUST WRITTEN AN ENTIRE COMMENT IN CAPSLOCK. OH DEAR.
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Date: 2007-07-24 08:43 am (UTC)I am in mourning.
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Date: 2007-07-28 03:14 am (UTC)...wow, I really don't have a life. Excellent. ;D
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Date: 2007-07-25 06:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 03:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 04:52 am (UTC)I'm totally a ballad nerd. :-)
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Date: 2007-07-31 03:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-03 02:00 pm (UTC)You know Loreena McKennitt! You are a kindred spirit. I love her!
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Date: 2007-07-30 04:03 am (UTC)My fandoms, like yours, are all rather tragic. Even our Emily fandom is, when you consider it from a Dean standpoint anyway. (Slightly related, but what is your LotR OTP?)
I am glad that Sally Sparrow travels in space too, because she deserves far more screentime than she got. Y.
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Date: 2007-07-30 04:24 am (UTC)ANYWAY CONSPIRACY YEAH. I LIKE CONSPIRACIES. I HAVE A WHOLE HEAP OF THEM; IT'S LOVELY.
Emily's Quest isn't a terribly happy book, either -- I always feel slightly drained after reading it. Not in a bad way, exactly, but in the way I do after having written something very emotional. And of course we've got to centre in on the most tragic character in it; oh dear. (GO AWAY FIC. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT EXCEPT THAT YOU'RE FULL OF ROMAN NUMERALS AND PROBABLY INVOLVE EGYPT OR SOMETHING. ARGH. GO NAG SOMEONE ELSE.)
I was shipping Aragorn/Arwen long before I even knew there was such a thing as shipping. I'm terribly predictable, yes. :D I even began on a novel-length fanfic that was supposed to encompass their entire lives, but it was...really, really fantastically emo and I try to forget most of it on account of how embarrassing it was. I'M SORRY ARAGORN. I'M SO SORRY.
Although if by LotR you get to include everything Tolkien ever wrote, my weird little ship is the slightly twisted and bitter Aldarion/Erendis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erendis) (wow, there's a Wikipedia entry for this?), for whom I have ficced and fanmixed (neither are finished) and made digital art for (that was actually finished two years ago). Further proof that all of my shipping ends in DEATH. I actually don't know why I love them so much, because they are VERY DEPRESSING and I usually like to, you know, concentrate on people who will have happy lives at least at the end somewhere. Somewhere. Not people who spend most of their lives despising each other. I am worried about my mind sometimes.
I want there to be a movie about Sally and Larry and how they solve extraterrestrial crime or something, maybe with Ten's timey-wimey device as a guest star, because he...lost it, or something. Or he left it somewhere for them in 1969 as a thank-you gift to be found later. Also they sit around in their shop a lot and Sally reads out loud and they have tea and nibbles and things. IT WOULD BE THE BEST MOVIE EVER.
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Date: 2007-07-30 07:54 pm (UTC)BANUI, I BET YOU HAVE ENOUGH CONSPIRACIES TO FILL A FILING CABINET OR TWO.
Yes, that's true. It's ... well, there's Emily's accident, and then everything about Teddy, and then Dean -- it always breaks my heart to read the last scene between Emily and Dean, and sometimes after reading it I feel like there cannot possibly be any happy endings in this world. CARRY ON FIC, YOU'RE DOING A V. GOOD JOB OF PRODDING BANUI. SHE'S A WONDERFUL WRITER YOU KNOW, AND ONLY THROUGH HER WILL YOU TRULY BE REALISED IN PRINT.
Aha! I'd guessed something like that. Aragorn/Arwen = ♥, though.
I think I had better finish The Silmarillion -- started it once about five years ago; gave up -- because you & Noldo & Allie & co. keep referring to things out of it and I have no idea what's going on. Hmph. It is an evil plot.
The angsty ships are the best ones, anyway. Yes.
I would pay millions of dollars to see that movie. That is, if I had millions of dollars.